FCC Chief inadvertently starts sexual epidemic
OKLAHOMA CITY, OK. (TheShortStraw.com)--Federal Communications Commission chief Michael Powell was outraged when the singer Justin Timberlake tore off part of Janet Jackson’s costume during the Super Bowl halftime show, exposing her breast. Timberlake blamed a "wardrobe malfunction."
“Wardrobe malfunction, my a--. I didn’t know what was going on at first. I remember thinking, what is that, a breast? But once I recognized it, I knew it to be a classless, crass and deplorable stunt,” Powell said.
However, his wife, who later contacted TheShortStraw, said wistfully: “I wish he would rip off my top like that. We haven’t been amorous in five years.”
With those comments, Mrs Powell started an epidemic. Women all over America demanded that their husbands and boyfriends also rip off their clothes. Lingerie boutiques showed increased sales of by up to 500%. Many customers demanded the “strap-off breast option.”
Said Mrs Powell: “I just think that American women are sick and tired of their husbands’ lack of romance and performance. Why should Italian women, say, have all the fun? And I’m tired of my husband blaming other ‘malfunctions’ for his lack of effort. I’m a sexy woman and I deserve better.”
In response, Fred Nimblestone, of Oklahoma City, said: “Darn that Timberlake guy, I’m dog tired when I get home from work and now my wife is standing in the doorway with some slinky leather outfit saying, rip it off baby, and I’m just beat, you know. I just wanna sit down and have a beer in front of the TV and relax, and darn it, now this.”
Nimblestone was echoed by fatigued many men all over the nation. His wife suggested, however, that sooner or later Mr Nimblestone would have to step up to the plate and perform, or she’d be moving to Rome.
Copyright © 2004, TheShortStraw
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